Today is the last day of October.

Happy Halloween! :D

I woke up early today.

I don't know what to do today.

Movie marathon? Hmm.

I'll just clean my room today. :)

And then movie marathon? \:D/

Good Morning. :*

I spoiled myself yesterday.

Here's what happened yesterday:

• Went to (at?) SM to spend quality time with me, myself, and I.
• Bought a shirt in artwork. \:D/
• Bought a new pair of earrings. ;)
• I was supposed to buy a new pair of shoes. Unfortunately, my favorite color (blue) isn't available so I didn't buy any.
• Bought junk foods in case of movie marathon.
• Mom bought cake (it tasted like black forest) in Goldilocks. NOMNOMNOM.
• She also bought my favorite siomai in siomai house. :9
• She bought soft drinks but I didn't drank any. Yes, I resisted the temptation.
• Watched Jessica Soho for a little while. I didn't finished it because I'm so damn scared. :3
• Accidentally fell asleep in my parents room.

It's simply awful to fall out of love.

I can't help it. Yes, there are many things going on my mind right now. My mind brings back memories. Memories I can't forget. Happy memories. Funny memories. Memories that are all about YOU.

Why did it happened? Why did you gave up? Will you come back again? If you'll come back, will you be better? Will I be better? When will you come back? Can we bring back the memories we had? What will people say? Will they become happy for us? Will there ever be an "US" again? Nagpahinga ka lang ba kaya ayaw mo na? Ayaw mo na talaga? O ayaw mo MUNA? O ano na?

So many questions, but no answers.

I blame myself for thinking too much. I have faults too you know. I hold (held?) back my feelings every time someone asks my if I'm fine, or anything related about my feelings.

I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I cannot go back in time. I can still mend this problem. But, how? why? when? where?

Concerned people said I should not eksplain or talk anything about our break up to him. Because it would look like I'm the desperate one. The one-who-cannot-live-without-him.

I just want to eksplain my opinion to him so that I could prove to him that I had some faults, and he had faults too. Cause and effect thing.

Yet again, I just let things roll. I let him talk to me again. We talked a little this vacation. This is one of the reasons why I hate myself for easily forgiving people. For people to take me for granted.

Think happy thoughts. All the pain will be worth it.

People come and go.

This is how I encourage myself to be happy. Yet again, I still weep. It's okay right? :/

Hay.

*will self destruct.

*testing, testing.

*abangan niyo pa ang posts na mga ganito sa buhay ko. =))

Goals this Semestral Break.

I have so many goals for this semestral break. But my main goals are to keep myself busy ( Sir Jucutan's cliche) and to make myself (with the help of other people) become better, not bitter.

Here's what my goals are in bullets:

• Do something productive - training.
• Organize my old things and papers.
• Organize my room.
• Manage my time well.
• Sleep every night for at least 8 - 10 hours.
• Eat less crappy junk foods, eat more fruits and vegetables.
• Control my cravings.
• Drink more water.
• Find my old self again.
• Keep in touch with my former classmates.
• Take care of myself. :)

I hope I could do all of these.

If I could dedicate a song for you, here's what it is.

Go Back to December

By Taylor Swift.

My friend told me, Taylor wrote this for Taylor Lautner. But IDK.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.

How's life, tell me how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while.

You've been gone, busier then ever.

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind.

You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,

And I go back to December all the time.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.

I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving,

When your birthday passed and I didn't call.

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side

Realized that I loved you in the fall.

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.

And I go back to December all the time.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.

I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,

And how you held me in your arms that September night,

The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,

Probably mindless dreaming

If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,

And I go back to December.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.

I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.

I go back to December all the time.

All the time

I know, 100% sapul. Like some bullet was shot straight to my heart. Life goes on.

Yes, it's a lie that I didn't dedicate this song to anyone. Sorry for lying.

Ano na nangyayari sa pag eenglish ko?

B't parang feeling ko ampanget na kapag nag eenglish ako? Nannosebleed na 'ko. Whew. Sana mag improve grammar at vocabulary ko sa susunod.

Parang tumataba na naman ako ngayong semestral break. Pano ba naman, ang dami kong cinacrave ngayon.

Ayun, baka mamaya sasama ako sa mga elementary classmates ko. Magvvolleyball daw kami.

Bukas, magtetraining na uli ako.

Sa sabado baka training na naman yun.

Wala nga daw kasing katapusan yung training. =))

Tas team building namin sa end pa ng November.

Magandang Umaga.

Semestral Break.

Our semestral break started last October 23 '10 and will end on November 7 '10.

So far, here's what I did:

• Slept early.
• Attended training days. (Our training this sem. break is everyday. Whew).
• Surfed the internet for at least one hour. My maksimum time so far is 5 hours straight.
• Ate foods that I want to eat.
• Kept in touch with people.
• Planned goals for myself.

This will be added more nekst time.

Field Trip.

III Patriotism

Our field trip happened last October 22 '10 at Club Manila East (Taytay ,Rizal).

Carlo, Johnrebb, Roscoe, Keeshan, Carla, Gabbie, Sairra, Aaron, Ako, Shobe, Jovi sa kiddie pool. :*

Nag enjoy naman ako. :) Nung on the way kami nag ja-jamming ang boys at foodtrip magdamag. Ang daming umuulan na pagkain tulad ng oreo, cheetos, tortillos, dingdong, chips delight, atbp.

Ang daming pool. Wave pool, kiddie pool, pool na may malaking slide, lap pool, dive pool (14 feet FTW) , lazy river (sayang closed yun nung nagpunta kami) , standard pool, pool na pwede sumakay sa bangka at madami pang iba.

Si Denise, Ako, at Gil. Dalawa sa mga kaibigan ko na laging andiyan palagi sa akin. Love you guys. :*

After magswimming, kumanta kami ni denise kasama teachers. ;) Mga kanta? Pang senti magdamag. Before I let you go, Only hope, Ako'y sa'yo, So slow, I love you goodbye, Somewhere down the road, From this moment..

Aaron, Gillan, Simon, Keeshan, Sairra, Roscoe, Carla, Dianne, Denise, Earl, Je-ar, Cyra, Josue, Jeremy, Lara, atbp.

Illu, Jm, Simon, Gillan, Sairra, Aaron, Carla, Keeshan, Roscoe, Earl, Ally, Dianne, Josue, Je -ar, Denise, Nicole, Lara, Jayson, Me.

Bago umalis madami kaming class pictures. HAHA. Ayan onti pa lang yan. Wala pa sa kalahati.

Nung pauwi, mabilis yung byahe. Ang aga namin nakarating sa USTe. Nakasabay ko pauwi sila Zebadiah at Aeron. ;)

Thank you Trippy! Nag enjoy ako. Salamat sa pag comfort sa akin. :* Nung lunch kasi, nadala ako sa kanta (somewhere down the road) eh. HAHA. Memories. :|

Eto mga naalala kong sinabi sa akin ng mga tao ngayon.

"Okay lang yan."

"Madami pa naman diyang iba."

Hha. Ganyan lagi sagot niyo eh. :))

"Sige, iiyak mo lang yan. Dalawang araw ah. Pagkatapos nun, smile na."

"Huwag ka na umiyak. Di yun worth it."

"Tahan na."

"Sana maging si Austin at Lydelle po uli."

Nasama na 'ko sa group prayer namin.

"Smile na."

"B't ka na naman umiiyak?"

"Awww."

"Awwww."

"Awwwww."

"Sayang."

"Ano ba yan."

"Gago talaga yun."

"Andito lang ako. Ingat lagi. Sana magkausap kayo."

I feel so vulnerable. :|

Day 1.

Yang picture, yan yung lumabas nung pinindot ko yung bagong application sa facebook.

Ayun, day one ng kakaibang buhay ko ngayon. Hindi pa din ako maniwala sa nangyari kahapon. :/

Panaginip ko kagabi? Pareho dun sa nangyari kagabi. Yung nasa bleachers kami... sinabi niya... ayun.

Eto pala nangyari ngayon:

• Last day ng intramurals.
• Nanlibre Geom teacher namin.
• Nanalo kami ng 3 trophies! Go patriotism! \:D/
• Andami kong naalala nung championship sa basketball. 4R vs. 3R.
• Epic fail ng bracket.
• Iyak. Iyak. Iyak. Iyak dahil sa nangyari sa section namin. Iyak dahil sa nangyari kahapon. Kaya ko 'to.
• Madaming yumakap at kumausap sa akin ngayon. Thank you. :* Teacher man, kaklase, schoolmate. Kinausap pa din ako. Natouch lang.
• Bumili ng pagkain para sa field trip bukas.
• Nag iiisip na naman ako ng malalim. :(
• Positive thinking.
• Last bullet na 'to.

Night.

Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today but eventually.

Magtatagalog ako ngayon. Hindi ko na kasi mapigilan. :(

Pangalawang araw ng intrams namin ngayon. Sinalihan kong sport ay basketball. Nakapaglaro ako ng isang beses. Masaya sa pakiramdam at enjoy. Na enjoy ako kasi mga kaibigan din kasi namin yung una naming nakalaro, yung respect. Pagkatapos maglaro, pinanuod ko laban sa basketball at volleyball. Magdamag akong nagcheer.

Eto yung mga laban namin ngayon: 3P vs. 4P (men's vball), 3P vs. 1H (men's vball),

3P vs. 4R (men's bball), 3P vs 3R (men's bball), 3P vs 4P, (women's vball), 3P vs. 4P (women's bball), at 3P vs 3R (women's bball uli). Hindi ko lang alam kung ano yung sa chess, GG, at scrabble.

Ayun, fast forward na nga. Bago yung laban ng boys sa 4R. Kinausap ako ng kaibigan ko. Grateful ako na kinausap niya ko at tinutulungan niya kami kung paano ayusin yung problema namin tungkol sa kulang sa oras at kulang sa komunikasyon. Ang pinakaproblema lang kasi (para sa akin), nag aantayan lang kami kung sino una makikipag usap. PRIDE kumbaga. Ewan kung bakit hindi ako una nakikipag usap sa kanya. Wala si Austin nun, nagliliwaliw daw. Pero babalik.

Nung umpisa na ng laro eh nagpakita na siya. Kinausap ko na. Naayos naman. Sinabi ko lahat ng gusto ko sabihin. Ang ganda ng panunuod ko kasi leading na kami ng biglang..

Siya: Lydelle, may sasabihin ako.

Ako: Ano yun? *sabay lapit kasi lumalayo siya*

Siya: AYAW KO NA.

Ako: Ayaw na yung?

Siya: Ayaw ko na. Lagi na tayong nag aaway maski sa maliliit na bagay. Blahblahblah.

Pagkatapos ng speech nya tumakbo siya. Tumakbo na din ako. Kinausap na lang ako ng kaklase ko. Umiyak. Niyakap ang kaklase. Salamat sa mga taong cinomfort ako ngayon.

Magiging okay naman ako e. Alam ko yun. Pero sa matagal na panahon na muna.

Magpprioritize na lang muna ako sa studies, at sa mga gusto kong gawin - fencing.

Nagrereplay lang lagi sa utak ko ngayon yung nangyari ngayon.

:(( :(

I'm freakin' tired.

Yesterday, I arrived home late again because it was our last day to practice for our cheer and dance competition. I slept and accidentally woke up late. I thought the classes were suspended. Good thing my father woke me up around 5:30am.

• Our performance was successful! \:D/
• FAIL. We forgot to take pictures. But our classmate taped our performance.
• As usual, I didn't talked to boyfriend the whole day. But we saw each other. :|

Why the hell would I confront him first? I'm not the boy. He's the boy. (Lydelle I hate you for having too much pride in yourself). In the end, he got angry at me because (he said) I kept on complaining on things though I didn't ekserted any effort. Me? No effort? Try waiting. Waiting for minutes. Waiting for hours. For you to come back. That's an effort.

I DESPISE YOU. :(

• Classes were suspended around 10am or 12nn. I forgot.
• We won in the first match of the men's volleyball team. We lost in the first match of women's vb team. The scores were very close. 14-15.
• Arrived home early.
• Slept for three hours.
• Is in front of the computer for almost five hours straight na.
• Wishes that classes won't be suspended from tomorrow until Friday.

Night.

I'm tired.

Here's the summary of what happened last week.

Oct 12, Tuesday: As far as I remember, it rained. I waited and teksted him. Then I knew that he didn't replied because he was busy playing DOTA while I was waiting for him. :(

Oct 13, Wednesday: First day of periodical test.

Oct 14, Thursday: Second day of periodical test.

Oct 15, Friday: Last day of periodical test. Training day.

Oct 16, Saturday: Cadet competition. My rank was number 6 out of 8. After the competition, I went to Sto. Domingo for our cheer and dance practice.

Oct 17, Sunday: I went to UST for our cheer and dance practice.

I gained weight during the periodical tests because I just slept, ate, and studied for three to four consecutive days. Me and boyfriend was busy so we didn't talked for almost one week. He didn't talked to me so I just did the same thing. I had no rest day.

Happy 10th. ;)

Today's our 10th month. Happy Happy. ;)

• He greeted me first thing in the morning. :)
• I finished all my requirements on time. \m/
• I completed my notes in English.
• I understood our lesson in Geometry and Chemistry.
• I contributed two things (essay and cartolina) for our Filipino Performance Task.
• I listened a little in History lecture.
• I slept during free time. I only had 4 hours of sleep last night.
• We ate Scramble. Nomnomnom.
• We went home fine. :) We saw a bus which has a route from Manila to Tugegarao. (I'm not sure with the spelling) Wonder why? During our Second Year HS days, I said I'll forgive him if he'll see a tugegarao bus and a jeep which has a tayuman route in España. Those things are only seen seldom in España. Lucky him. he spotted those. Then I forgave him.

My day turned out okay. Eksept one thing. I had a hard time to breathe. I think it's because I have 9 bruises all over my body. Suicide? No. Injuries because of the Novice Competition. I have one bruise on my left arm. 4 bruises on my right arm. 2 bruises on my knees. And then one major bruise near my neck. Or I think because I'm sensing that I'll have a cough or cold tomorrow? I hope I'll get well soon. I don't want to take the finals when I'm sick. I can't focus when I'm sick.

Goodnight. :)

10 months down, years and years to come, I hope. ♥

Flashback.

Here it goes:

October 4: (monday) I forgot what happened. =))

October 5: (tuesday) La Naval mass in the morning, training in the afternoon.

I went to UST before going to the Church so that me, boyfriend, and friends will go to the church together. After the mass, me, boyfriend, and friends went to my house for lunch. After eating lunch, we went to UST again and then Pasig.

October 6: (wednesday) I slept late for me to research about United Nations and the Youth. I prepared for my Ekstemporaneous Speech. Sorry, the letter eks in the keyboard is broken. :/

October 7: (thursday) My day. It was my ekstemporaneous speech. While speaking, the microphone broke. At least I tried my best to speak in English fluently.

October 8: (friday) United Nations Celebration. It was boyfriend's big day (Pageant). I made him a banner. I'm so sweet. :") He thanked me for that but I wasn't in the good mood. Major mood swing.

Our class won many contests! Congratulations 3 Patriotism. It was our first time to have many awards. Sweet.

Boyfriend won Mr. Congeniality award.

October 9: (saturday) Novice Competition. My rank was 24 out of 29 girls. My competitions came from random schools like UE, ALCHS (IDK), DLSU, and many more. I didn't won at least one game. Better luck next time.

October 10: (sunday) La Naval Procession.

I arrived at St. Domingo around 2:30. There's this lady who gave me a rosary. I declined and she said it was for donation. I said I didn't have any coins. She said she has change for my money. I gave her 20 pesos and she didn't gave me any change. WAF.

The procession started around 5pm. While killing time, I ate pastillas, ice cream, biscuits. =)) The procession ended around 6pm. Me and Jayson ate at Jollibee then went home. I finished 5 reflections before going to sleep.

Binabalewala ako ng taong binibigyan ko ng importansya.

Aww. HAHA. Naisip ko lang yan nung isang araw. Echos lang. ;)

Bukas ako magppost ng kung ano nangyari sa nakaraang linggo.

Goodnight!

10-10-10 is epic.

Goodbye September, Hello October.

Here's what happened this week.

September 27 (Monday): Presentation for our Filipino PeTa. Teachers discussed what we will do for the UN week. Btw, our country's Greece. Mythology! \:D/

September 28 (Tuesday): Training.

September 29 (Wednesday): It was his photo shoot day for UN. Yes, classmates voted for him to be on that pageant. I watched my cousin's graduation show.

September 30 (Thursday): Dry run for the rosary that will happen next week.

October 1(Friday): Training. Our coach taught us core exercises for us to be stronger.

NOW? My whole body hurts. :| I'll buy my equipments today. Then.. I don't know what will happen next. I'll complete my requirements this week. I'll finish HP book three this weekend. Then read book four next week. After 2 weeks, I hope I'll read book five.

Another busy week. Next week, I'll be busy again.

October 4: Training day.

October 5: La Naval Mass. Training day.

October 6: Practice.

October 7: MY big day. Wish me good luck? :D

October 8: UN Celebration.

October 9: Novice competition. Wish me good luck again. ;)

October 10: La Naval procession.

October 11: Our 10th. ♥

Morning. :)